Archive for the ‘Inspiration’ Category

“​Domestic abuse is any type of controlling, bullying, threatening or violent behaviour between people in a relationship. But it isn’t just physicalviolence – domestic abuse includes emotional, physical, sexual, financial or psychological abuse. Abusive behaviour can occur in any relationship.” – NSPCC

I have heard arguments on why it should be considered an abuse only if the victim is either female or a child. That’s quite laughable! Men are not androids, they too can be abused. This ideology is understandable, children and women are not known to always posses the strength to protect themselves, just not applicable in every scenario. 

I personally cannot fight to save my life. If I am in a physical abuse situation, my flight will be comical. I cannot tolerate any type of violence; emotional, verbal, physical…you name it.

What terrifies me is, most people being abused are not aware of it. They give different excuses about their abuse situation and even defend the abuser. This is a very problematic issue that everyone should be vigilant and protective of themselves. 

It is never alright to be subjected to any type of pain or misery. No-one can care for you better than yourself. Please, let your reason for allowing yourself be abused not be love either. People use “love” alot as an excuse to domestically abuse another person or the abusee claims love wouldnt allow them leave. 

For starters, Love isn’t a feeling, just incase you are basing your argument on how you feel. Love is expressed through actions, and if the action you are receiving is punches and slaps or insults and intimidation, well then you be the judge and tell me what those actions are synonym to.

From the definition of Domestic abuse stated above, if you can check any of those actions in any relationship you are in, you are being abused or you are abusing someone.

The first step to take as a victim of abuse is to create distance. Stay away from your abuser, then make a plan. If you are married or live together please take a trip to visit family. But you have to create physical distance.

All situations are not the same, so there isn’t a manual to dealing with domestic abuse. If there is an actual threat or physical hitting, I would recommend placing  a complaint with the police. If you are in one of those countries with corrupt police officers, let your family and friends be aware. Also inform your abuser that if anything happened to you s/he will be the first person of Interest.

The most important thing I would like to share is, Love yourself enough to know when to walk away. We live only once and no-one is responsible for your happiness but you.

Xoxo 😘

Alot of people seem to either not know or forget that their spouse is family. Even more family than your mother or siblings. The bond spouses have is more sacred and linked than that of those we actually share same DNA with.

You might say “yea yea we all know this”. I say NO, you don’t! You find people treating their husband or wife with so much contempt. Almost like an employee that a favour is being done for, so whatever crap is dished should be received as a privilege. 

People have terrible, useless, shameful siblings yet they would defend, fight for and protect that sibling. But go home and get upset and practically threaten to move out because there is toothpaste on the sink, an empty milk carton was left in the fridge, there are dirty dishes in the sink…you name it. 

If spouses sit and actually think about what marriage truly is, there would be a highly reduced rate of divorces. Marriage isn’t dating. You don’t pack up and move on because things are tough. Things are tough everywhere, in every relationship you would encounter challenges because every individual is an embodiment of diverse qualities and exposures. 

You know how years after a couple have been together they start looking like each other, this is because they have given part of themselves to  their spouse. They even start sounding alike. 

So how is it possible that people are willing to hide a corpse for their parents or siblings but find it so hard to tolerate, be kind to, support, show compassion to a part of themselves in the form of a spouse. 

We run around screaming “I Love You” when it is all rosy and flame is burning hot. Love isn’t a feeling, that tingly thing you feel isn’t the “love”. Love can only be expressed through actions and words, leading to an equal and opposite reaction  (well most of the time). 

Marriage on the other hand is a sense of duty. You do things because it is expected of you. You act a certain way because this person is a part of you. So When making decisions in marriage concerning your spouse, make it with the awareness of the decision being about you because you and your spouse are the same person. Do this and I promise you, you will lead a happy life, even in the midst of challenges.

Xoxo

I have realised that it is very easy to equate growing up to “loosing yourself”. Don’t get me wrong sometimes you are actually loosing yourself in the name of growing up. 

So how are we going to know which category we actually belong, since it’s easy to substitute the two in our lives? I believe it’s fair to say I have had the opportunity of experiencing both and also substituting them.

Growing up entails understanding your situation and learning to manage that situation as best you can, yet taking the initiative to give yourself a break and do things that makes you happy or of interest to you. Another point to remember about growing up, it’s alright to enjoy being a couch potato most of the time even if you were a party starter in the past. People panick when they realise they aren’t as “fun” or “adventurous” as they used to be. What we all seem to forget in such a situation is, there isn’t one way to have “fun”. Dont fight your growth but allow yourself discover what you now consider fun and adventurous. 

Loosing yourself is when you are no longer having fun with what you are doing. Let me give an example; I have always been a workaholic. That’s the term given to me by other People, I prefer referring to myself as a corporate enthusiast 🤣. I like to work, I like objectives and achieving business goals. I like control and I like to be able to help people. I lost myself when I got comfortable receiving and never contributing. I wasn’t working because for some reason I just wasn’t getting hired despite my knowledge and experiences. So I settled and was enjoying being taken care of to my last penny. After I had my child I convinced myself I was growing up so I had to become this unrecognizable person to be a good mother and whatever other excuses I made for slacking. 

The moment I realised how unrecognizable I was, I took a stand and i have been working on growing up like I am supposed to; wife, mother, corporate guru, friend, daughter, sister….embrasing all I am. No-one says it’s easy but no more excuses!

I genuinely would like to know as that is how long I have not blogged.So feel free to pop into the comment section and share.

As for me, it’s been an interesting 3 years. Let me give a summary in this post and expand further in other posts.

I have been pregnant, had a baby (who is turning 2 years on Monday), been a stay-at-home-mum, started a business, lost my social life and counted every pound in my  account daily  😁.

Wow! I actually summarised my last 3 years in a sentence.

It’s been a challenging yet productive couple of years. I have found myself missing my youthful days alot. Found myself wondering if things would be better if I made different choices. Found myself feeling lost and alone despite the amazing family I have. I have panicked about my future. Wondered If it’s too late to achieve some dreams. Looked in the mirror and not felt pretty; trust me I never had to worry about my looks almost all my life till recently. 

In summary, I have had to grow up a lot in the last 3 years. Sit back and enjoy the ride as I break it down for you. From marriage, to pregnancy, being a mum, starting a business, getting conscious about my looks, need for validation, loneliness, fear of failure….relationship with the world and the people in it. You name it.

Feels great to be back!😉